Kindergarten

I feel the need to document this monumental season we are in. I have a kindergartner. Isaac started yesterday. He is in a dual language program meaning he is in a spanish immersion class. Most of his lessons will be spoken in spanish. I'm excited for him and so far he has been happy.

This summer we went to SeaWorld for Isaacs 5th birthday. We also went to Corpus Christi/Port A for a few days.

Gracelyn is talking a lot more and is very independent. We haven't started potty training her yet. She misses Isaac a lot today while he's at school.

This summer we have also been renovating our bathroom. We are very involved in the church and stay very busy.

I want to get on here and document things more but its so hard to find the time. I miss blogging and reading blogs. Instagram has sort of taken over blogging.

This age is so fun and its hard to believe I have a child in school and another one that will be out of diapers and out of her crib soon.

A year has passed.

Wow, I can't believe it has almost been a year since I've blogged. I've missed it but there just isn't a lot of time for me to get words out of my head and into a readable format. Last year was a blur. It was a really good blur. We traveled to Gulf Shores, AL to visit family including my 85 year old Grandmother (she just recently had a stroke so I'm so happy we got to see her then). Justin and I also had a weekend alone together in Wimberley. That was a really good time. And I had several weekends with friends and no kids! It was a good year for sure. Gracelyn is about to turn 2 this month and she is starting to talk more and has developed a really sweet personality. Isaac will be 5 and starting kindergarten this year and I almost can't bear to think about it. Justin and I are doing well. We're hoping to do some house renovations this year and trying to decide if we want to have another baby. I started back to work 2 days a week in August and that has been going well.

Goals this year are to do house stuff and to also get out and do more. I told him that I don't want to relive the same year over and over. I want to try to do more whether thats traveling or just having more quality time with our family. Even if its not successful and we have crying kids I still want to try. It wont be time wasted and we will have a funny memory later on.

These are just a few things that I wanted to get out and be able to come back and read later. I'm hopeful I can try to record things better as they happen throughout the year so I can have a better memory in the future.

One year old!

Yesterday was Gracelyn's first birthday! It blows my mind that it's been a year already. She has completed our family in ways I didn't even know we needed. I have had so much joy seeing her develop and grow. And also seeing Isaac grow into his role as big brother. Their relationship is so sweet and I hope they are always close. Here are her stats:

-21 lbs
-not sure of the length but she looks taller for sure
- standing up without holding onto anything for a few seconds
-not walking yet or taking steps but verrrrrry close
- 5 teeth with a 6th breaking through any day now
- she eats pretty much anything but loves clementine oranges, bananas, green beans and brocoli
- never took the bottle but drinks out of a straw or sippy well (if its water not breastmilk)
- sleeps from 7pm-7:30am waking up at 10pm to feed and then somewhere around 4am. This makes me happy!
-Still breastfeeds and hasn't really started weaning

We celebrated her birthday with friends and family this past saturday. Our friends Irene, Colin and their kids came. Emily and Jason and the girls. Our neighbors Amanda and Adam came with Anaya. And of course Meme and Poppy.

I've said all along that she's sassy. She is and she knows what she wants but she is also very sweet. When Isaac cries sometimes she'll go lay her head on him or try to crawl to him and see where he is. She drops food off her highchair to the floor and laughs cause she's making a mess. She can blow spit bubbles and then laughs about it. She's funny and such a sweetheart. We are SO blessed. We love you so much girly goo. You are such a joy and bring so much light to our lives!

11 months

I know I'm a week late but last week when Gracelyn was 11 months old Justin and I had strep and Isaac had an ear infection. It was also right before Christmas so thats a crazy time too.

Gracelyn is not quite walking yet but we got her a walker and she is loving it! As long as she's holding onto sometime she can walk! She's still breastfeeding but not as much. She eats a lot of regular food though. She sleeps pretty well but still wakes up 2 times or sometimes 3 in a 12 hour period so not bad! She adores Isaac and loves to play chase. Or play with anything you don't want her to play with. She loves opening up cabinet door and trying to crawl on the dishwasher when I'm loading or unloading it. She had a good Christmas and loves her baby doll and walker!

10 months!

I'm almost a week late with Gracelyn's 10 month update. Whoops! She turned 10 months on Thanksgiving so it slipped my mind. She is doing really wonderful and just thriving. She has cut her top 2 teeth in the front and so those are making their way down for her to have 4 teeth total. This go around it is making breastfeeding excruciating. I never had issues with Isaac cutting teeth and breastfeeding so this has caught me by surprise. I'm to the point where I have a sore on my nipple from her teeth. Ouch! Other than that she is saying, "mamamamama" and "dadadadada" occasionally. Not consistently though. She adores Isaac and loves to play with him. We like to play chase. She is a really quick crawler and sticks every little thing in her mouth. She loves standing up and I was thinking she might be walking my Christmas but I'm not sure. She's about 18.5 lbs. She had a good Thanksgiving. She's been sleeping pretty good for the most part and only waking up 1-2 times a night. Just recently 2 times. For the most part she was only waking up once for a few weeks. So that was nice. She eats pretty much anything we give her and tries to drink out of a sippy cup. She still doesn't like bottles. I've tried pumping and giving her a bottle/sippy cup of breastmilk and she was not having it. Just kept pulling at my shirt. Thats pretty much it! Can't believe she will be turning 1 soon!

Thanksgiving 2017

This is a strange year for us. My mom is working. Memaw and Cyndi are in Maui. Papaw is in Heaven. We haven't been talking to Terri or John. And We ate chinese food for lunch. We are making pizza tonight. We'll be having traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday and my memaw will be coming to my mom's new house in Temple.

I have anxiety today. Justin decided he wanted to call him mom. So we are waiting on her to call him back. They've sort of played phone tag all day. I guess I just am fearful of the unknown. We've had their number blocked for a month. I don't know if she's going to be mad or if things will go back to how they were before we blocked them. Either way I'm just kinda freaking out over here.

Father, please take my fears away. I pray for your peace today.

How we used to be.

Since my blog is private I feel like I can really write about my relationship with my Mother in law. I'm really sad that we don't have a good relationship anymore. I miss being able to talk to her. We used to watch the same shows and read the same kind of books. And go to the movies together. I miss that. I feel like I've been grieving that part of our relationship. It hasn't been like that in a long time. And I'm hoping that this break we've had can help restore our relationship. I want her to be well. I just don't want it to be dependent on us.

Too hard on myself?

I can find a hundred reasons to tell myself I'm failing. I'm not a good enough mom. I lose my temper. The house isn't clean enough. I don't have enough sex. I'm not a good wife. No one liked the dinner you made. You're too fat. Your hair is disgusting. You're boring. Not funny. Not interesting. You don't have friends. Invisible.

Some days it feels like I'm just holding back tears all day. I actually wish I could cry but the tears never fall. Instead I end up feeling angry about something and more than likely yelling about something.

failure.
failure.
failure.

Finding joy.

The Holiday season is upon us and I'm struggling this year. I feel like this should be a really happy time. Its Gracelyn's first Holiday season and Isaac is old enough this year that it should be really fun. But I'm struggling to find joy. I'm impatient and easy to get frustrated. I can't pinpoint why. I've been getting more sleep lately. The kids haven't been any more difficult than normal. We haven't had any drama from family simply because we haven't been in communication with them. I've been reading my bible more and praying more. We have a small group that meets up every other week. So I don't know. I want to be happy. I don't want to be stressed. But I'm just struggling.

hard.

I'm having a really hard time emotionally today. It's been a tough couple of days. I am in a funk I can't seem to shake. I feel like I could cry at any moment. It's annoying. I wish I could snap out of it. I'm not enjoying the day and I want to snap out of it before this weekend. We are celebrating Jaxon this weekend. It's Emily's baby shower. I don't want to be in a funky mood all weekend!

Dear Lord please help me!

Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.

Deep breaths in and out through the mouth.

Gracelyn 9 months.

Each month passes so quickly. I feel like I just did Gracelyn's 8 month update. Gracelyn is constantly moving around. She's crawling (quickly!) everywhere and pulling up and standing on anything. I feel like we will have a little walker very soon! She is not a fan of being in a walker, or the jumper thing. She doesn't like to be constrained to anything. I'm curious to see if this is something that she will carry with her as she gets older. Baby girl likes freedom. She doesn't like it when I walk away from her. Her face lights up when she sees Justin or Isaac too. It's getting really fun to see how her and Isaac interact with each other. Sometimes he's a little too rough or takes toys from her but he also tries to make her laugh and smile all the time. She is still mostly breastfeeding but she likes to eat french fries, apples, and those teething biscuits. I've slacked off and I don't make baby food like I did with Isaac. I also haven't made baby wipes like I did basically until this year when he potty trained. Oh well. I still wear her when I can and she doesn't mind the stroller as long as its moving. She is wearing size 12 mo clothes. She's somewhere around 19 lbs. It's hard to believe she's getting close to being a year old. This year has gone by so fast.

8 months

My sweet little girl is 8 months old!! Holy moly. It's hard to believe that this is real life. I have 2 kids. Wow. So little Gracelyn has been on the move. She can crawl like nobody's business. I have to really watch whats on the floor and I'm so so thankful that I no longer have to worry about dog hair on the floor. Another new addition has been 2 teeth! She got her two lower front teeth and let me tell you it was a battle getting those suckers to pop through the gums. I guess I forgot how brutal it was with Isaac. So we are off of our sleeping schedule. She hasn't slept well in about 2-3 weeks now. I probably should whiten my teeth because of the amount of my coffee consumption. She can now follow Isaac around and go after his toys which he doesn't love. She loves watching him and loves it when he tickles her. He is still a little rough and I have to watch him very closely. She is about 18 lbs and is already trying to pull up on the furniture! I think she will be walking sooner than Isaac! She's been a lot better about eating. We are still doing some baby led weaning but she's also started eating some purees and those pouches. She's very vocal when she doesn't like something and jibber jabbers all the time.

Jesus.

Jesus is for me. Jesus is with me. Yes, Lord.

Another baby?

Justin let me know that he won't feel complete with only 2 children. I understand that and I feel the same way sometimes...like am I really done? I like the idea of a larger family but when I picture it the kids are older. The baby stage is so sweet but its also SO HARD. And I'm really struggling with my patience this go around. I don't know if it would be fair to have another when the kids are small. I see people with big families and I just wonder if they spend most of their day being as frustrated and yelling as much as I do. It truly makes me feel like a failure as a mom. Like why can't I just be more chill and not freak out as often as I do. I mean, Isaac is unintentionally trying to kill Gracelyn on the daily and I just freak out. I'm scared I'm breaking his spirit. The thing that I remind myself everyday is that I have barely any memories of the 3 year old me and I'm sure my mom yelled at me some and I don't remember it.Anyway, back to more kids I don't want to wait forever either if I am going to carry another child. We have talked about the idea of foster/adopt but that's also really scary too. I can't help but wonder if I can love another child as much as my own. I just have to trust God and see what he provides for us. Maybe 2 kids is all we will have. Who knows.

7 months

AHHH!! 7 months! Wow wow wow. You try to prepare yourself with your second child cause you know it goes by fast but dang. I can't believe how fast time is flying. Gracelyn is 7 months old. In the last month she has been sitting up and playing by herself. And has started crawling! I thought she might reach milestones sooner than Isaac but she's reaching them really fast! She's very jerky with her movements but she makes sure to practice every day, haha!

                                       Isaac wanted me to take his picture too lol

 She's been trying a lot of new foods. We are doing more of a baby led weaning approach simply because its easy for us to eat while she plays with her food. She's not a big fan of purees anyway! I've also added dairy back into my diet and she has definitely been more gassy but she just farts and is happy. I just can't overdo it!

 Wearing her is the best way to get anything done! We tried a back carry for the first time and she loved it!

I love dressing her up for church! After we got to church we realized she'd had a huge blow out diaper in the car seat so I had to change her. Womp womp. Thank the Lord for Oxyclean!

7 months has gone by so fast and our little girl is so sweet. I'm looking forward to making more memories with her

Happenings.

Wow, I can't believe we are already a week into August. Before we know it it'll be my 31st birthday, then my 10 year anniversary! We haven't been doing a whole lot lately. It's been so hot and we've actually been home a lot. I'm getting pretty ready for Isaac to start back up at his preschool. I think he's ready too. He's been so bored. Lately, he's had so much energy. And he's actually in the process of dropping his nap. On one hand he still needs it but if he takes a nap thats longer than a little catnap like 20 min then he can stay up until almost midnight! Hah, no thanks!

Gracelyn is trying to crawl. She's up on her knees rocking. Its so cute. She's growing up so fast! They both are and it makes me so sad! I find myself constantly looking at pictures and videos of Isaac. It's so easy to focus on the hard times but all I see when I look back are the good times and sweet moments that are gone.

I'm really really trying hard to be appreciative and in the moment. Because every time I blink Isaac is an inch taller and Gracelyn looks less like a baby.

Gracelyn 6 mo update

Ah! I just realized I'm late getting Gracelyn's 6mo update on the blog.

She is doing amazing! I just love her so much! We are all pretty smitten. I feel like we have really gotten to that sweet spot. She's sitting up really well and loves to grab and play with toys. Or anything close by. She's about 16.5 lbs and in the 75th percentile. I don't really know how long she is the pediatrician we use doesn't always tell me all these little stats like Isaac's did in The Woodlands. You can read Isaac's 6 month update here. She is smiling and laughing all the time. She loves tasting food but isn't super crazy about swallowing it, haha. She'd much rather me give her a sweet potato fry to suck on over some puree. She's sleeping sooooooo much better. She wakes up 1-2 times a night but is in her bed from 6:30-7:30(ish) almost every night. She loves watching Isaac and he loves to love on her. Yesterday morning he heard her waking up on the monitor and ran as fast as he could to her room and threw open the door saying, "Hi pretty girl!" and it scared her so she started crying and then he started crying. And he said, "She's yelling at me!" it was so sad and sweet at the same time. He wants to hold her all the time and I have to watch him like a hawk because he isn't always the most gentle, haha. She sleeps in Isaac's old Zipadee-zips and I'm hoping we can get her out of them sooner than we did him!

...

Since my last post I feel like I've done a lot better with my eating. And I've actually done a few small work outs! Baby steps, people.

This weekend my anxiety has been kinda bad. I'm really trying to get it under control. I haven't been reading my bible much and I usually fall asleep praying. Not good.

Yesterday was Justin's 31st birthday and it was kinda a bust. I dropped the ball. I got him one gift that he does love but I couldn't think of anything else. We got to have dinner alone which was also good though. He's eating healthy so we skipped the cake and I made him sugar free jello 😬 definitely not the same. And then a certain family member texted us and put a damper on the mood. So annoying. We never really recovered after that.

But my bestie is on her way to see me and I hope that helps lighten the mood a little!

Thick Thighs.

Lately my eating is so out of hand. I'm not eating dairy but I'm making up for it with carbs and sugar. Its like every night I need to have a cookie or something after dinner. Or for a snack or just late night eating. Its awful. I feel so unhealthy. I've also had to avoid a lot of veggies that cause Gracelyn to be super gassy when I eat them. I can't eat broccoli (a staple for us), cauliflower, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbage etc. These were all sort of staples for us. I also can't have any kind of beans. So my diet is pretty boring. I've started having more starches with our meals like rice to make up for the lack of sides. I'm hoping in another month or so I'll be able to add more to my diet. I'm going to try and add back broccoli at least! The lack of veggies has me feeling sluggish. I know I need to eat better but I also feel like I need to start exercising again. Some of the dvd's and things I would have done in the past aren't going to work for me this time though. My knees seem to bother me all the time. So squats are out of the question. I have a PiYo dvd and I think I should probably get back to doing that. Or heck maybe I'll try to start going on walks by myself a couple of nights a week. I tried a yoga class a couple of weeks ago and I'd like to try going to that more often or at least the Sunday class but it wasn't much of a work out to me. I don't even think I was doing most of it right. Especially the breathing part. But it was relaxing. I just know I need to do something. I need to get up and start moving but more importantly eat better. Even as I write this I've already eaten dinner and had a cookie but I'm still thinking of what else I can eat. Its a problem for sure. I need to try and do the whole 30 again when I can have more variety of vegetables.

I'm sort of motivated. I mean, I don't like how I feel. I just need to pull the trigger.

Yum.

I really just want some queso. I'm dairy free due to breastfeeding issues and man I'd love to dive into a pool of queso right now. And then get some ice cream. That is all.