Why?

Sometimes I wonder why God has blessed me so much. Why me? I have friends and family struggling and I'm sitting over here with everything going my way.

I got to reconnect with an old friend and I was saddened to hear that she is facing some very hard struggles in her marriage. Her burden is so heavy and I don't know how she makes it through each day. Well, I know that the only way is through Jesus. But why oh why has he given her this burden? My heart is breaking for her. If anyone reads this I beg of you that you would please pray for her. I wont go into specifics because it is her business and not mine to spread. I know God can heal anything and I pray that is his will for her.

I don't know what my role is to play. I want to be supportive and I want God to use me but I feel guilty. I know that my life actually brings pain to others that are not able to have what God has blessed me with. I wish I could take some of the burden for her.

Listening.

"Listen for GOD’S voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track." Proverbs 3:6 (MSG)

God, I'm listening and open and ready to do whatever you have called of me. Please speak to me loud and clear.

These are words that I'm praying for every day. Today my devotion was very fitting. I've been feeling this way for awhile. Life has thrown some changes at me very recently but I still feel like something is missing. I'm praying for that missing piece. I know it might take awhile to find out what my purpose is and what God has called me to do but I'm trying hard to listen.

Curveball.

My blog should just be called seasons. I feel like that's all that is going on right now. When I feel like my life is one way I get thrown a curveball and all of a sudden I have lots of opportunities to pray and ask God for guidance.

Please Lord help me get through this season without any hurt or stress.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Seasons.

Everyone has seasons in their life. I'm not talking about Spring and Summer. I mean time periods. The type of season I'm experiencing currently is with my relationship with God. I have seasons where I feel his presence in everything I do and where I feel so close to him. I'm not feeling that right now. Its my own fault because I haven't given him my time. I don't have a specific time carved out where he gets my undivided attention. He never gets my undivided attention.

I don't exactly do New Years resolutions but its always my goal to have a deeper and more faithful relationship with God. The problem is I don't always remember. I can use the excuse that I'm a busy mama and that Isaac needs my attention but I'm a better mom to him when I'm tight with God. The fact that I don't remember to pray or read my bible is really sad. I claim to be a Christian and love him but there are days when I don't even think about him. To type that makes me really sad. Especially because one of the things that I do pray for when I remember to pray is that Isaac will have a relationship with him and love him with all of his heart. How can he do that when God isn't the center of my life. Isaac will learn from watching Justin and I and its up to us to show him.

A lot of times our relationships with God grows from brokenness. Maybe I need to be broken. Right now it just seems like we keep getting blessing after blessing. Everything is really good. Does that mean there is some kind of tragedy in my near future? I don't know. It scares me and to be honest I hope that there isn't something looming ahead of me. But maybe its what I need.

I just started reading She Reads Truth. I've done the Jesus Calling devotional but I'm ready for something different. I'm excited about starting something new.

 I'm hoping by getting all of these thoughts out of my head that it will help keep me accountable.

Incomplete?

Lately I've been feeling really unsettled. Limbo and incomplete are the words I feel have been on my mind lately. I'm a little unsure where God wants me. I feel like something is missing from my life. This mostly boils down to wanting to buy a house. I'm just so unsure about whether it is a good idea to buy a house down here when our lease is up. I guess I just don't know if I want to put down roots here. At this moment it doesn't feel right. But is that because I'm mad that its so far from my family? Is it because of my desires instead of wanting what God wants? I don't know. I've been praying that God will reveal to me what he wants for me and for my family. Justin has such a great job here and I do too now. The thought of picking up and moving is also terrifying. I've done it twice already and its difficult. Do I want to do that again? I think I'm mostly just sad that I'm so far from my parents Every time I go to Tyler to visit the homey feeling I get is almost indescribable. I want it so bad. I don't feel like that when I come to my actual house. I don't know if its possible to find that somewhere else other than Tyler and moving back to Tyler isn't an option. I might be chasing a feeling that I wont be able to find. Nothing will compare to Tyler because my family wont be there so I need to accept the fact that I have to make my home somewhere other than Tyler.

I want a change and I don't know what that means but I hope that I can be quiet enough to listen and hear what God speaks to me.