Happenings.

Wow, I can't believe we are already a week into August. Before we know it it'll be my 31st birthday, then my 10 year anniversary! We haven't been doing a whole lot lately. It's been so hot and we've actually been home a lot. I'm getting pretty ready for Isaac to start back up at his preschool. I think he's ready too. He's been so bored. Lately, he's had so much energy. And he's actually in the process of dropping his nap. On one hand he still needs it but if he takes a nap thats longer than a little catnap like 20 min then he can stay up until almost midnight! Hah, no thanks!

Gracelyn is trying to crawl. She's up on her knees rocking. Its so cute. She's growing up so fast! They both are and it makes me so sad! I find myself constantly looking at pictures and videos of Isaac. It's so easy to focus on the hard times but all I see when I look back are the good times and sweet moments that are gone.

I'm really really trying hard to be appreciative and in the moment. Because every time I blink Isaac is an inch taller and Gracelyn looks less like a baby.

Sleep training update

Ok! So last night was good! She slept most of the night and I gave her two dream feeds. One at 2:30 and one at 5:30 and I also changed her diaper at the 5:30 feed and put her in her crib awake and she slept until 8:45 this morning!! Naps were just eh. She slept 45 min the first nap then cried most of the second nap. I think she slept like 30 min. So we put her in the swing for her 3rd nap and she slept for an hour and 15 min. So tonights routine went like this:

Night 3

Bed 7:30
1st check 7:35
2nd 7:45
Asleep by 7:50!!

This is just super encouraging to me! She cried just for like 15 min! I feel like we are on to something here! I know that the crying is super hard but we have been very consistent and she's doing fine. Today was a lot easier and I think the next couple of days it will continue to improve. Even though I did this with Isaac I really hoped that we wouldn't have to sleep train Gracelyn or I hoped we could do a no cry method. It freaking sucks like really really bad. And there are so many opinions on letting your baby cry and how it goes against your instincts and all that. But I can honestly say that getting no sleep was not only bad for me and for her but it wasn't fair to Isaac either. I felt like I was so impatient with him. I think getting more sleep will make me a better mom and make us all happier.

blog.

This little blog has become like a little best friend. I can come here and pour my heart out without judgement. It's probably why I've blogged off and on for myself the last several years. I don't know if anyone reads it but I hope that it helps someone else to not feel alone if they do stumble upon it. These days talking to real life friends is few and far between. We are all so busy with our own lives that it's hard to truly catch up. I hope one day I'm able to have that kind of friendship I used to have where I could just go walk around Target with someone or sit on the couch and just talk. I think its going to be a really long time. It's hard to manage a phone conversation! Even if I find that person here when you have little kids its hard to do that kind of stuff. So it will probably when my kids are older and can be more independent. I'm still glad that we have established our lives here though. It feels like where we are meant to be. I don't want to look at this time period and only see sad and emo like posts on here. I love my life. I love my kids and my family. I'm so super blessed. I just always come on here and dump my feelings and thoughts out like word vomit when I'm feeling overwhelmed. Or just feeling like I need to get something out. Thats what this little space is for. That and for other things I want to remember about the kids and life.

Being a Mom is hard.

Being a Mom is hard. Even if you have the easiest baby on the planet. And it can be lonely. You can play with your baby, run errands and even catch up with someone on the phone and you can still feel alone. So this is a letter to myself.

Dear Mom,

You're doing a good job. Even on the days when nothing seems good enough. And the days when you just want to lay on the couch and binge on nutella and Real Housewives. It's ok to want to go to Target by yourself and if you can you should. Take advantage of the days when you can be by yourself or even better, be with friends! These lonely days will pass. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it and then one day you'll realize you aren't faking it anymore. The sadness will be gone and you'll enjoy the days more. Stop feeling guilty about being sad even when you look at your beautiful child. The sad moments will make you appreciate the happy ones more.

Love, Self




Being a Mother is not for the faint of heart.

9 months.

9 months.

I don't want to believe it. 9 months has passed since I gave birth to the little boy that has stolen my heart. In some ways it still feels like yesterday. He is 23.9 lbs, 30.5 inches long and in the 95th and 99th percentile for weight and height. We had to upgrade his car seat from the infant seat to a convertible car seat. Babies R Us has a trade-in program right now where you trade in the old car seat for a new one and get 25% off. And I actually had a hard time trading in his infant seat. It forced me to realize he is quickly approaching toddlerhood. I develop sentimental attachments to things really easily. I mean, we brought him home in that seat. Justin could tell I was having a hard time as we were standing in line to check out and he quickly offered to forget about the savings and just keep the car seat. I thought about it for a minute but I had already decided that we would go ahead and trade it in. Sure, we could probably get another use out of it before the expiration date but I knew I would probably want a "fresh" one for the next baby anyway. So I let the cashier take our first car seat away. I don't know what they do with them but it was hard for me to walk away and leave it. I'm so ridiculous.

One of my coworkers just had her first baby last week. I tried to tell her how fast time flies. One minute you have a small snuggly bundle and the next a squirming toddler sized infant that is trying to get away from you and crawl towards an electrical outlet. I don't know why out of everything in the room he goes to the plug of shock and death first.

In the last month Isaac has learned to go from laying down to sitting up on his own, crawling and saying "mamamamama". So maybe he hasn't completely associated the word "Mama" with me but we are still counting it as his first word. He has 4 teeth, his lower and upper centrals. He is still breastfeeding but gets a couple bottles of formula throughout the day as needed. He eats most table food. Pretty much whatever we eat he eats too. The only foods I keep away from him are nuts, fish, and egg whites due to potential allergens if you introduce it before 1 yr of age. And I try not to give him too much processed foods like crackers and sugary things. We are working on learning how to use sippy cups but for the most part he isn't interested.

I want time to slow down as always but I try to just enjoy the moments I have with him. 

Emotional.

I don't know why I'm so emotional about Isaac getting older. I know that looking back at these past 8 months I have soaked up as much time as possible and don't really regret anything. I also had an epiphany. One of the reasons I'm scared and sad to stop breastfeeding is because I feel like it's one step closer to saying goodbye to my baby and bringing on the toddler that he's quickly turning in to. I also realized that when we move we will in a way be leaving his nursery behind. The room where I have clocked in countless hours of rocking, nursing, singing, reading and just cuddles and laughes. That's going to be a hard one. I have his whole life ahead of me God willing but I'm still doing my best to absolutely cherish and absorb every moment. Each day is different and brings new joy and challenges and when I blink I can look at Isaac and all of a sudden I can see that he's changed. His nose is more defined and his hair is longer. When did that happen? He's getting longer and some of his chubbiness is going away. Each day is just a fleeting moment that is gone and replaced quickly with another. So I'm trying not to blink. I can't and I won't miss a thing. 

8 months.

Time is flying by. I know I say this all the time but its true. I have an 8 month old. We are approaching the one year mark rapidly. His personality is developing more and more every day and boy is he funny. He loves to do this smile where he sort of snorts at the same time. I don't know how else to explain it other than CUTE! He isn't crawling yet ( and I'd like it if people would stop making me feel like he's behind!) but he can get up on all 4's and rock. He scoots backwards instead of forwards. What can I say? He does things a little different. He has 2 teeth. When that 2nd tooth was coming in he let everyone know that he didn't like it. Only 18 more baby teeth to go :-/

He's somewhere around 23.5 lbs. He can wear some 18 month clothing and his 12 month clothing is looking tight and short in the legs. He's gonna be tall!

Don't eat in front of him unless you give him something to eat too. He will get very upset! 

Yummmm broccoli!!

He is a routine baby. Break his routine and it aint pretty. The kid likes his own crib and doesn't travel well. He may have Justin's good looks but he's definitely got some of my personality. Sorry kid. 

He is still sleeping in his Zipadeezip and every once in awhile he will give me 7 hours a row. And it is gloriouussss. 

He is a joy. People ask me how I like staying home with him all day and what do I do, etc. I get to hang out with him and watch him grow. He makes me laugh and I love making him laugh. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything and that's truly a blessing. This time is so short and I want to absorb it all. 

Breastfeeding weaning.

Isaac is a little over 7 months now. My first goal with breastfeeding was to make it to 6 months. Since then I have been playing it by ear as far as how long I want to go. After he reached 6 months I said my next goal would be to make it to 9 months. Its a struggle to think that I will still be trudging along for 2 more months. But I also feel sad about stopping.

When I signed up for breastfeeding in the beginning I had no idea how hard it would be to stop. I'm finding that I'm more emotional about it than I ever imagined I would be. No one really talks about the weaning process. Babies are supposed to be breastfed/formula fed for the first year. The only reason I'm thinking of switching to formula is because I keep getting clogged ducts, milk blisters and honestly out of convenience.

I don't have any issues with formula and I think it is a great choice. I think maybe I'm just nervous about losing our bond. I also feel selfish. If I quit breastfeeding it is because it is my choice. I feel like I'm taking away something that is familiar to him and comforting. And what if he has tummy problems when it comes to choosing a formula?

I've read that when babies are weaned that it can make your hormones a little crazy. Similar to post-partum and can lead to sadness and depression. I already feel sad and guilty over it so if I wean will it make it worse?  If I wait for Isaac to wean on his own will I feel rejected? Ahhh too many questions and things going on in my mind. I know I can't be alone when it comes to feeling like this. Maybe my milk will dry up on its own and I wont have to make a choice. Or maybe I'll end up breastfeeding longer than a year :)

Being a mother is complicated!

Being present.

Today I decided to make more of an effort to be more present. It bothers me how attached I am to technology and honestly how much TV I watch. I've been rationalizing it by telling myself its just background noise but I shouldn't be using that as an excuse. I don't really let Isaac watch it but if its on while he's in his jumper or in his high chair he will watch a little of it.

Not only have I read that TV is bad for children under 2 because it can cause ADHD and a whole list of other things but its important to me that Isaac has a vivid imagination and learns how to play by himself.

So I've decided that when he's awake and downstairs that I'll put it on the music channels and I'll only watch it while he's taking naps. I think this will be good for both of us!