?

How do you deal with what you should do?
How do you reconcile the fact that you are hurting someone?
What does it matter what you lose in the process?
Are you going to be too broken to pick up the pieces when it's over?
Will it end?


Drowning
Engulfed
Suffocated


I can't breathe
Trying to carry on
Nowhere to turn
I'm not proud of what I've done
No one has the answers
I'll keep searching for the one
No way to not feel guilty
A choice that can't be undone
So dear Jesus hear my plea
And come to rescue me.

cravings.

I'm craving confidence.
Don't give a f* attitude.
Don't care what people think.

I don't think it will ever happen,

Kindergarten

I feel the need to document this monumental season we are in. I have a kindergartner. Isaac started yesterday. He is in a dual language program meaning he is in a spanish immersion class. Most of his lessons will be spoken in spanish. I'm excited for him and so far he has been happy.

This summer we went to SeaWorld for Isaacs 5th birthday. We also went to Corpus Christi/Port A for a few days.

Gracelyn is talking a lot more and is very independent. We haven't started potty training her yet. She misses Isaac a lot today while he's at school.

This summer we have also been renovating our bathroom. We are very involved in the church and stay very busy.

I want to get on here and document things more but its so hard to find the time. I miss blogging and reading blogs. Instagram has sort of taken over blogging.

This age is so fun and its hard to believe I have a child in school and another one that will be out of diapers and out of her crib soon.

To the detriment of myself

Sometimes its easy for me to be a doormat. I LOVE helping others. I love serving. But sometimes I find myself trying to pour from an empty cup. It is so hard for me to say no sometimes. I don't like to disappoint people. But I hope this year I can evaluate every situation and decide if its the best decision for me or if I'm just doing something so I don't disappoint someone else.

I'm such a people pleaser and I don't think thats a flaw. But it can definitely be to my detriment.

A year has passed.

Wow, I can't believe it has almost been a year since I've blogged. I've missed it but there just isn't a lot of time for me to get words out of my head and into a readable format. Last year was a blur. It was a really good blur. We traveled to Gulf Shores, AL to visit family including my 85 year old Grandmother (she just recently had a stroke so I'm so happy we got to see her then). Justin and I also had a weekend alone together in Wimberley. That was a really good time. And I had several weekends with friends and no kids! It was a good year for sure. Gracelyn is about to turn 2 this month and she is starting to talk more and has developed a really sweet personality. Isaac will be 5 and starting kindergarten this year and I almost can't bear to think about it. Justin and I are doing well. We're hoping to do some house renovations this year and trying to decide if we want to have another baby. I started back to work 2 days a week in August and that has been going well.

Goals this year are to do house stuff and to also get out and do more. I told him that I don't want to relive the same year over and over. I want to try to do more whether thats traveling or just having more quality time with our family. Even if its not successful and we have crying kids I still want to try. It wont be time wasted and we will have a funny memory later on.

These are just a few things that I wanted to get out and be able to come back and read later. I'm hopeful I can try to record things better as they happen throughout the year so I can have a better memory in the future.

One year old!

Yesterday was Gracelyn's first birthday! It blows my mind that it's been a year already. She has completed our family in ways I didn't even know we needed. I have had so much joy seeing her develop and grow. And also seeing Isaac grow into his role as big brother. Their relationship is so sweet and I hope they are always close. Here are her stats:

-21 lbs
-not sure of the length but she looks taller for sure
- standing up without holding onto anything for a few seconds
-not walking yet or taking steps but verrrrrry close
- 5 teeth with a 6th breaking through any day now
- she eats pretty much anything but loves clementine oranges, bananas, green beans and brocoli
- never took the bottle but drinks out of a straw or sippy well (if its water not breastmilk)
- sleeps from 7pm-7:30am waking up at 10pm to feed and then somewhere around 4am. This makes me happy!
-Still breastfeeds and hasn't really started weaning

We celebrated her birthday with friends and family this past saturday. Our friends Irene, Colin and their kids came. Emily and Jason and the girls. Our neighbors Amanda and Adam came with Anaya. And of course Meme and Poppy.

I've said all along that she's sassy. She is and she knows what she wants but she is also very sweet. When Isaac cries sometimes she'll go lay her head on him or try to crawl to him and see where he is. She drops food off her highchair to the floor and laughs cause she's making a mess. She can blow spit bubbles and then laughs about it. She's funny and such a sweetheart. We are SO blessed. We love you so much girly goo. You are such a joy and bring so much light to our lives!

11 months

I know I'm a week late but last week when Gracelyn was 11 months old Justin and I had strep and Isaac had an ear infection. It was also right before Christmas so thats a crazy time too.

Gracelyn is not quite walking yet but we got her a walker and she is loving it! As long as she's holding onto sometime she can walk! She's still breastfeeding but not as much. She eats a lot of regular food though. She sleeps pretty well but still wakes up 2 times or sometimes 3 in a 12 hour period so not bad! She adores Isaac and loves to play chase. Or play with anything you don't want her to play with. She loves opening up cabinet door and trying to crawl on the dishwasher when I'm loading or unloading it. She had a good Christmas and loves her baby doll and walker!