Make it stop.

I start out the day normal. I wake up, feed Isaac and change his diaper. Make Justin and I a smoothie and some coffee. Put on Mickey Mouse for Isaac. Feed the dogs and start to make a mental checklist of everything I would like to accomplish that day. I'm not stressed. I feel perfectly fine. Somehow throughout the day I start to change. It starts out as a slight tightening in my chest. Barely noticeable. Then it gets to where I feel like I'm moving through peanut butter. I can barely move and barely function. The sadness is overwhelming. And I don't know why I'm sad. There is no reason for me to feel this way and no known trigger. Until I'm staring at the clock and praying for Isaac to take a nap so I don't have to do anything. And willing the clock to move forward so that Justin can come home and I wont be alone anymore. I feel so guilty. Am I bad mom when I have days like this? I feel like I don't have a right to feel this way. Is it brought on by Isaac's birthday? I have no idea.  Its hard. Its painful. And I want it to stop.

Please Lord make it stop.

Being a Mom is hard.

Being a Mom is hard. Even if you have the easiest baby on the planet. And it can be lonely. You can play with your baby, run errands and even catch up with someone on the phone and you can still feel alone. So this is a letter to myself.

Dear Mom,

You're doing a good job. Even on the days when nothing seems good enough. And the days when you just want to lay on the couch and binge on nutella and Real Housewives. It's ok to want to go to Target by yourself and if you can you should. Take advantage of the days when you can be by yourself or even better, be with friends! These lonely days will pass. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it and then one day you'll realize you aren't faking it anymore. The sadness will be gone and you'll enjoy the days more. Stop feeling guilty about being sad even when you look at your beautiful child. The sad moments will make you appreciate the happy ones more.

Love, Self




Being a Mother is not for the faint of heart.

Sadness.

I'm not sure why but feeling sad has become a normal part of my life. It gets worse when its around my monthly visitor. But I'm starting to wonder if its just hormonal. Even though I have stuff to look forward to I can't seem to get excited about anything. Or motivated. I have to force myself to do housework and leave the house. I just don't know what to do.

I have a beautiful son and husband and I just feel so empty.