Thursday, August 25, 2016

Not sure.

I have such a hard time expressing my feelings now a days. Blogging used to be so easy. Now I feel like my mind is a big jumble and getting coherent thoughts out is such a chore.

I've just not been feeling myself lately. Is it the pregnancy? Could it be because I've been home full time for awhile now? Maybe both. I've definitely struggled with the monotony of staying home and trying to find activities to fill our day. I often wonder if I'm doing enough or if I should be doing more. He doesn't really know his colors. He can't count. And its still really hard to understand what he's trying to say. I know that will come but I see other kids close to his age able to do more and I can't help but compare. Although I have been better about decreasing Isaac's screen time and I feel better about that. And I've surprisingly made a couple of friends. That has definitely been helpful. I'm anxiously waiting on Isaac's preschool to open up after Labor Day. I think that will bring about a breath of fresh air for both him and me. I wish I could work during that time but the hours are not conducive to a working schedule. However, having some alone time at the house will be terrific too. I need to embrace that before little sister makes her arrival.

I'm hoping that time to myself will actually help me bond with this baby more. This pregnancy has been so different from my first. I just don't feel the same. It doesnt help that I can't feel her move (anterior placenta) and I have absolutely no idea on a name. And having a girl is a little scary to me. I am looking forward to breastfeeding again as weird as that sounds. Its such a special and sweet time. I hope I can do it longer this time around. I'm also looking forward to the sweet baby snuggles and watching Isaac be a big brother.

I just have to give myself grace. I know Isaac will be fine developmentally and at this stage I'm doing the best I can with him. And bonding with little sister will come. I just need to focus on being healthy.

I always feel better once I get some of these thoughts out so I guess I'll continue to sporadically log them.


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