Tuesday, April 5, 2016

So much.

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say. I'm not a great writer though and have a hard time formulating my thoughts. And then other times I don't have any words at all. I feel very ordinary. And then sometimes I wish that I was more profound but the words aren't there.

Lately, I've had a lot of mom guilt. I yell more than I would like and I've even spanked out of anger. It's something that I'm actually ashamed of. I'm terrified that I will make Isaac more aggressive or cause some sort of problem with him because there are times when I lose my patience. Let me clear, I do not beat my child at all. I've swatted him a few times because I'm not sure how to punish him for wrong doing. It's something I'm working on and praying about. Mostly we do time out but it doesn't work very well. I'm trying to research age appropriate consequences for a 2 year old.

When you're feeling overwhelmed it doesn't take much for it to snowball and smother you. My spirit is weak but I've finally broken down and conveyed all of this to Justin. I don't feel as alone and I feel like I'm getting stronger and hopeful. I'm learning not to put as much pressure on myself and to not compare my life to others.

I've been stepping back from social media a bit (mainly facebook) and I believe that's helping. I'm always striving to be more diligent in spending time with God. I don't know why I struggle with that so much. I want my relationship to be on fire. And sometimes there are just no words and I fall flat. I'm looking for ways to improve that and to get into my bible more instead of just reading others words about the bible.

That's just about covers whats been going on around here lately. Not profound but enough.

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