Saturday, August 25, 2012

Becoming a woman of prayer.

I have been a christian for basically all of my life. I grew up in a christian household and I've always known about Jesus. So with that being said I dont really feel like I have a "testimony". And even though I've grown up this way I've never been comfortable with praying out loud. It's something I'm insecure about. I'm afraid that I wont sound "christian" enough or it wont flow right or I simply wont have words to say. I've struggled with this for my whole life. I never volunteer to pray at church, or even at home with my husband. It is just known in our house that I wont do it and if we need to pray about something then its up to Justin to pray out loud for us. I love that he is our spiritual leader but I feel like it is not just up to him to guide us. I should be strong enough in my faith to speak to our Father and pray for our family and things that God puts on our heart. Recently, Justin and I have sort of made some new friends. We've joined a small group at the church we've been attending and through that have made friends with another couple that arent in our small group but we sort of met through the small group process. These people are so knowledgable about God and the Bible and they arent afraid to pray. I admire them for that. And they are faithful. Everything they do is to glorify God and follow his commandments. I admire them but I am also very intimidated. Some of these people have only known Jesus and become christians in the last 5 years and they are so on fire for God and know him so much better than I do. I grew up in a christian family why dont I know my bible as well as they do and how come I cant pray out loud? Its really made me think about it a lot the past couple weeks. I struggle to have quiet times and I struggle praying even to myself. I usually pray when I go to sleep and even then I usually fall asleep during my prayer. So I've been trying to feel more connected to God and try to listen for his instruction in my life. I was praying this morning about everything I've been thinking lately and how I want to feel more connected to God and that he would help me and in the middle of reading a passage about a tax collector I felt like he told me to start praying out loud and to start with just blessing our food before we eat. So thats something I'm going to try today and I hope that I can do it and try not to be insecure or embarressed. Hopefully starting out with that will help make me more comfortable. Please pray for me that I will be able to actually do this and that I can grow to be more comfortable in my faith.

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