2 months

My little Gracelyn is two months old. The time is going quickly and I'm sad and actually ok with it. This newborn phase has been hard. Like really hard. She is literally attached to me all day long either in my tired arms (Which are getting more toned, hah!) or in my Lillebaby carrier (love that thing!). Even Justin has a hard time getting her settled down and she will cry until I'm holding her. She's a mama's girl thats for sure. I'm excited to see how our bond will continue as she gets older. But it is draining because I have to give Isaac as much attention I can spare as well. Or incorporate her in playing with him as much as possible. That's usually short lived. But on that note Isaac loves her so much. I'm usually telling him to get out of her face because he can't stop kissing her or to stop trying to tickle her because he's so rough. But she will look at him and smile and I can't wait until she laughs at him the first time. She's eating about every 2 hours or so and if I keep her really full in the evening and awake she will sleep from about 9/10ish until 2 so that's wonderful for me if I go to bed at the same time! After that she wakes up every 2- 3 hours. So she's so far a better sleeper. She's just super grumpy during the day if I let her get over tired. But she has been better about me being able to put her down sleepy but awake and she will go to sleep most of the time. I hope I can do better with sleeping with her! She still wont take a paci, hates her swing and absolutely hates the car seat and cries during every car ride so thats fun, haha. I just love hugging and kissing her and her skin is just so soft. I'm excited to see what her personality will be like. And I'm just so excited to see what family adventures we will have!


I love you so much and I'm so so thankful that God blessed me with a little girl. I didn't know how much I would love it. I love that you want me and need me so much and I pray that I can be the best mama I can to you and Isaac. My hope is that I can teach you about Jesus and that you will love him and serve him with all of your heart.


It has been a whirlwind of a week. Last Sunday 2/12 I noticed Gracelyn sounded a little congested so I called the pediatrician monday morning and we went it to see him. He looked up her nose and decided that she was aspirating breastmilk in her nasal passage whenever she would spit up. I noticed that it wasnt getting any better as the week progressed so wednesday night I sent a message via the patient portal to her doctor and he wanted to see her Thursday morning. As soon as he came in the room he had a concerned look on his face and said he suspected she had RSV. RSV is respiratory syncytial virus and is highly contagious. She most likely got it from Isaac who had been suffering from "allergies" for the last week. He instructed me to take her directly to the childrens ER at a nearby hospital. We were admitted and she had her oxygen monitored overnight and we were released to go home the next morning. Not how I imagined spending time with her in her first few weeks of life. I was told to be on alert for any fever or difficulty breathing and to bring her back if any of these things occured. Friday night was an exremely rough night and she and I were both miserable and didnt sleep. Saturday morning she seemed better and then we noticed by the afternoon she started feeling warm. So I took her rectal temperature and it was 101. Her cutoff to bring her to the ER was 100.4 so I immediately started packing a bag to take her back to the ER. This time in the ER they took it more seriously. Since she was under a month old they had to rule out other reasons for the fever and the standard of care is to do a blood and urine panel and to also check her spinal fluid for meningitis. So all of that sounded very scary. And on top of that they wanted to keep her for 48 hours. This was pretty scary and as an already exhausted mama it almost put me over the edge. But the hospital we were at was so amazing and I cannot speak its praises enough. They made us so comfortable and in the end her cultures stayed clear and we were released after 36 hours. She had a good check up with her pediatrician this morning and I think we are finally in the clear. I'm so ready for a normal boring life, haha. Life lesson wash your hands way more than you think you should. And even though big brother is being sweet make sure he keeps his distance a bit. 

Newborn life.

I forgot how hard it is to have to hold a squirmy baby all day. She never wants to be put down when she's awake. On top of that she is very gassy and fussy. We are breastfeeding and are still finding our groove. We had a horrible night last night where I ended up holding her most of the night and she was grunting or crying more of the night.

On the flip side shes so beautiful and squishy and cuddly. It just gets hard being the only adult at home and the only one to hold her. I'd just like 2 hands every once in awhile. You know, to go to the bathroom or eat something. I've tried putting her in the K'tan and she hates it so far. I'm going to keep trying though. Hopefully she gets used to it eventually.

Jan. 23, 2017

My due date was supposed to be Friday, Jan. 20 and there were no labor signs in sight. So that weekend my mom and I walked over five miles and shopped till we dropped. Sunday evening I had some time able contractions that were consistently 4 min apart for 2 hours but then they suddenly went away. So I went to sleep and at 1 a.m. I was having some dream and a contraction woke me up. It was pretty painful but I thought maybe I was just laying on my stomach weird or something. So I got up to go to the bathroom which has been painful for me the last couple months anyway and hobbled my way to the bathroom. I got back in bed and the pain came back. It was so bad that I couldn't lay down. So I woke up Justin and said I'm having contractions and that they were pretty painful. We started timing them and they were once again 4 min apart. At this point I can't stay still and I'm having to walk back and forth in front of the bed. So I decided to take a shower to see if that helped the pain plus my hair was really dirty, hah! The contractions continued on and I knew this was the real thing. So I get out and start getting ready (drying my hair and putting on a little make up lol) and we decided to call Becky, our doula. She suggested I time them for an hour longer. At this point it had been 45 min or so of consistent contractions that were intense. She told me to try and rest as much as possible but I knew there was no way I could sit still much less lay down and sleep. So then we decided to call the OB's office and there was a midwife on call so she suggested we time them for another hour as well. But then she asked my about my prior c-section. With Isaac I was induced with pitocin, my water was broken a few hours later. I was given an epidural and then I went from 4cm dilated to 10 in about 2 hours. Labored for a few hours and then ended up in a csection. Once I told the midwife all of this she amended her suggestion and told me to go ahead and head up to the hospital. It took us about 20 min to let Becky know to meet us at the hospital instead of our house and get everything in the car. Then it was a 20 min car ride to the hospital which was the worst car ride of my life. Being constricted in the car and unable to move was so painful. And the pressure of sitting down was incredibly uncomfortable. At this point my contractions were 2 min apart. We pulled into the hospital the same time as Becky and we made our way to labor and delivery. At this point the pain is so bad that I've become very vocal (aka yelling and screaming through the contractions). Becky helped me to remember to breath and stay loose. When we got to labor and delivery they didn't even make me check in or fill out paper work. They could tell it was the real deal and took me to triage to wait for the midwife to do a cervical check and confirm. The midwife came into the room and we had to wait for me to finish a contraction before I could lay down for her to check me. Apparently there was a lot of blood down there so she said she didn't even need to check. But then the nurse came in and said they didn't have any rooms available. So she decided to check me and I was 7cm dilated and 100% effaced. The nurse mentioned getting a kit in case they had to deliver the baby right there. At this point I have to jump up (as well as a 9mo preggo girl can in labor) because I have to walk through the contraction. They are trying to ask Justin questions he doesn't know the answer to like if I was GBS pos or neg. and so I'm trying to answer the questions as well. Which was hard!!!! Then a nurse burst into the room saying they had a room and so we started making our way to it. At this point the pain is so bad I'm screaming through the hallways and grabbing at the wall to have something to hold on to. It was pretty wild and barbaric looking I can imagine. We make it to the room and I immediately feel like I have to poop so I try to run to the bathroom to poop in the toilet but it has the plastic thing on it to show it had been sanitized. The midwife told me that if I sit on that toilet I will deliver my baby in the toilet. So I go to the bed and she said I could get on all fours or lay on my side or whatever feels right. I get on all fours facing the back of the bed completely naked at this point. I ended up clutching the head of the bed and on my knees and thats how I delivered! I arrived at the hospital at 3 and had her at 3:44 am! The pain was so intense but it all happened so fast and I am still in awe that I was able to have a successful unmedicated vbac! My water didn't break until the push right before I pushed her out. Gracelyn Ann was 7lbs 2 oz and 20 inches long! She is so petite and dainty and it still feels surreal that she's here! I love her so much and Justin and I have the feeling of completeness that wasn't there before. Isaac is slowly adjusting but he's done pretty well.

For now we are counting our blessings.

I gave birth on Monday 1/23/17. Birth story to follow soon.

39 weeks

How far along: 39 weeks tomorrow.
Total weight gain: 35 lbs?
Maternity clothes: Yep, I cant wait to shop!
Stretch marks: So many.
Sleep: The usual.
Best moment of this week: Finding out I have a doctors appt tomorrow!
Miss anything: having no anxiety
Movement: Yep!
Food cravings: cereal, fruit, cinnamon stuff
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Have you started to show yet? I'm big
Gender:  Girl!
Labor signs: Braxton hicks, low pelvic cramps, swelling
Belly button in or out: out
Wedding rings on or off: Off more often than not
Happy or moody most of the time: Mostly anxious due to some weird circumstances
Looking forward to: my doctors appt tomorrow!

So  after a bunch of run around the last couple weeks with my doctor I found out this week that he wont  be able to be my provider and I needed to find a new doctor. It has been a horrible situation. Trying to find another doctor that would take me this late and getting all of my records has certainly been challenging. But thankfully I have an appt tomorrow and I just need to stay pregnant until at least tomorrow morning so I can have a doctor! I've never experienced the anxiety that I've felt this week. Not that I remember anyway. I feel a little more relaxed at the moment but I have been having some mild pelvic cramps so that kinda makes it hard to relax because it would be my luck that I go into labor tonight. Crossing my legs and saying my prayers!

37 weeks 5 days

How far along: At the end of 37 weeks
Total weight gain: No idea. I acually haven't seen my doctor since Dec. 14
Maternity clothes: I just wear the biggest things I can find or whatever fits me right now.
Stretch marks: So many.
Sleep: Sleep has become painful. Its painful to turn over or get up to use the bathroom. And I'm so stiff in the mornings.
Best moment of this week: Justin was off Monday!
Miss anything: Sleep
Movement: She's started slowing down a bit and not moving as much. I think its because she's running out of room. Makes me think labor is definitely close. 
Food cravings: cereal, fruit, cinnamon stuff
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
Have you started to show yet? I'm big
Gender:  Girl!
Labor signs: Braxton hicks, low pelvic cramps, swelling
Belly button in or out: out
Wedding rings on or off: Off more often than not
Happy or moody most of the time: I fluctuate.
Looking forward to: my due date!
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