Friday, July 21, 2017

I don't know.

I don't know what to think. I don't want this and I know that's wrong. Just stay away. Stop stressing us out. Be healthy. Don't be a burden. Justin can't fix YOUR problems. He shouldn't have to be a parent.

Sunday, July 16, 2017


Since my last post I feel like I've done a lot better with my eating. And I've actually done a few small work outs! Baby steps, people.

This weekend my anxiety has been kinda bad. I'm really trying to get it under control. I haven't been reading my bible much and I usually fall asleep praying. Not good.

Yesterday was Justin's 31st birthday and it was kinda a bust. I dropped the ball. I got him one gift that he does love but I couldn't think of anything else. We got to have dinner alone which was also good though. He's eating healthy so we skipped the cake and I made him sugar free jello 😬 definitely not the same. And then a certain family member texted us and put a damper on the mood. So annoying. We never really recovered after that.

But my bestie is on her way to see me and I hope that helps lighten the mood a little!

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Thick Thighs.

Lately my eating is so out of hand. I'm not eating dairy but I'm making up for it with carbs and sugar. Its like every night I need to have a cookie or something after dinner. Or for a snack or just late night eating. Its awful. I feel so unhealthy. I've also had to avoid a lot of veggies that cause Gracelyn to be super gassy when I eat them. I can't eat broccoli (a staple for us), cauliflower, brussel sprouts, kale, cabbage etc. These were all sort of staples for us. I also can't have any kind of beans. So my diet is pretty boring. I've started having more starches with our meals like rice to make up for the lack of sides. I'm hoping in another month or so I'll be able to add more to my diet. I'm going to try and add back broccoli at least! The lack of veggies has me feeling sluggish. I know I need to eat better but I also feel like I need to start exercising again. Some of the dvd's and things I would have done in the past aren't going to work for me this time though. My knees seem to bother me all the time. So squats are out of the question. I have a PiYo dvd and I think I should probably get back to doing that. Or heck maybe I'll try to start going on walks by myself a couple of nights a week. I tried a yoga class a couple of weeks ago and I'd like to try going to that more often or at least the Sunday class but it wasn't much of a work out to me. I don't even think I was doing most of it right. Especially the breathing part. But it was relaxing. I just know I need to do something. I need to get up and start moving but more importantly eat better. Even as I write this I've already eaten dinner and had a cookie but I'm still thinking of what else I can eat. Its a problem for sure. I need to try and do the whole 30 again when I can have more variety of vegetables.

I'm sort of motivated. I mean, I don't like how I feel. I just need to pull the trigger.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017


I really just want some queso. I'm dairy free due to breastfeeding issues and man I'd love to dive into a pool of queso right now. And then get some ice cream. That is all.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017


It's 4th of July. Justin has been off work and had a long weekend. Isaac is pretending he's a puppy and Gracleyn has been sleeping so well. It feels like a new house. I have more patience. I've gotten to sleep until 8 am the last two morning and have only had to wake up twice a night! We just booked a condo for 4 days at Port Aransas in September. I don't feel so overwhelmed. Sleep really does make a huge difference. Now if only I could get my friends to visit...

Sunday, July 2, 2017

Sleep training update

Ok! So last night was good! She slept most of the night and I gave her two dream feeds. One at 2:30 and one at 5:30 and I also changed her diaper at the 5:30 feed and put her in her crib awake and she slept until 8:45 this morning!! Naps were just eh. She slept 45 min the first nap then cried most of the second nap. I think she slept like 30 min. So we put her in the swing for her 3rd nap and she slept for an hour and 15 min. So tonights routine went like this:

Night 3

Bed 7:30
1st check 7:35
2nd 7:45
Asleep by 7:50!!

This is just super encouraging to me! She cried just for like 15 min! I feel like we are on to something here! I know that the crying is super hard but we have been very consistent and she's doing fine. Today was a lot easier and I think the next couple of days it will continue to improve. Even though I did this with Isaac I really hoped that we wouldn't have to sleep train Gracelyn or I hoped we could do a no cry method. It freaking sucks like really really bad. And there are so many opinions on letting your baby cry and how it goes against your instincts and all that. But I can honestly say that getting no sleep was not only bad for me and for her but it wasn't fair to Isaac either. I felt like I was so impatient with him. I think getting more sleep will make me a better mom and make us all happier.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Sleep training Gracelyn

Yeah. Sleep training.....

Not for the faint of heart. In fact it may break your heart into a million pieces. Actually, I guarantee it. Here' the break down of how its going to far. We are following The Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivak as recommended by my pediatrician. It's basically the Ferber method where you let them cry and go in at different intervals for check ins. At the check ins you dont pick her up or touch her just use your voice in an upbeat tone and tell her how much you love her and that its ok for her to go to sleep now. Our pediatrician recommended it to me almost a month ago but I haven't been ready to do it until this past week. We had a horrible week and ended up cosleeping for most of the week. That is great for other people but I just was never comfortable and I slept so horribly that I knew something had to change. So we decided that since we had a long weekend to go ahead and get started. I could find a million reasons to put it off but its just prolonging the inevitable.

Night 1
In bed at 7:14
Crying started 7:24
1st check 7:30
2nd 7:40
3rd 8:00
The checks seems to make her more mad
4th 8:20
5th 8:40
Stopped crying at 9
Asleep 9:10
Total crying time an hour and 45 min
back awake at 9:35
Asleep at 9:40
awake 9:55
cried off and on until 10:40
Dream feed 10:50
Slept until 12;45 then cried off and on in intervals of 15 min or so until 2
Dream feed 2:15
Slept until 6:15 then up for the day....

Whew. It was brutal. We followed the same system for her naps. 2 hours after her wake time we were putting her in her bed for a nap and doing the checks. She slept an hour for her first nap then 45 min for the second. And for the 3rd and final nap we knew she needed a long good rest to ensure that she would be successful and not overtired for bed time so we opted to put her in her swing awake instead of her crib and she slept almost 2 hours. So now for Night 2.

Night 2
Bed 7:00
1st check 7:05
2nd 7:17
3rd check 7:30
we were going to do another check at 7:45 but by this point she wasn't crying completely anymore and the book says to stretch out your intervals if the baby is going 30 seconds or more without crying.
Asleep by 8:00 and its been an hour so far and she's still asleep so its been so much better than yesterday already.

She was really tired today until her nap in her swing but we can see on the monitor that she's already more relaxed tonight.

I hope this means we are on the down hill end of things and that the crying will be ending very soon. I hate it but we did it with Isaac as well and as heart breaking as it was it did work. You can read about that here.